For me, the last year can probably be best described in one word – exhaustion.
I have found being a mother over the last 12 months particularly hard and at many times, overwhelming. I had many many days when putting one foot in front of the other was all that I could focus on and even that was a struggle at times.
Paradoxically, at the same time, I have found my family
particularly gorgeous and have felt more content and happy with my lot than I have ever felt in my life. Life is rarely black and white is it?
For a lot of the year I felt a little trapped in my role as a Mum and at many times felt that I was barely holding my head above water. I felt like a single Mum most of the time and found the constancy of motherhood on my own utterly exhausting.
More recently though, thanks to a few changes in our life, some wonderful support from my extended family and friends and some big changes this year with my husbands work, I’ve managed some ‘me’ time and I have been able to focus more on the contentment and joy within the chaos. Blogging has helped too (best form of therapy!).
I still have my moments of course (quite regularly in fact), but more often than not I feel like I can push through, hold my head high (way above the water that threatens to sink me) and enjoy the ride with this stunning family of mine.
It has been reinforced to me over and over again in the last year, mostly in the most ordinary of moments, how much I am just where I want to be. I have been so blessed in all the areas of my life that matter the most to me.
This year, I want to have more tea parties and smell more snails and focus less about the state of my house and feeling like I’m never organised enough because, although I’m far from perfect, I need to stop focusing on the lack of perfection and see that actually I’m doing a bloody good job!
Bring on 2011!
What does the year hold for you?